June 14, 1996

How to Tell Your Lawyer's Not "Wired"

I've been criticized for telling people "If you don't have an email address, you don't exist." I've never been able to reach my critics by email, so I guess that proves my point.

From recent experience, here's how to tell your lawyer's not wired:

  1. He takes notes on a legal pad. His secretary prepares your documents on a computer. In the process, she can't read his writing and misspells your name throughout.
  2. He promises to get right back to you with a small detail that's necessary to complete your document in a timely fashion. Instead of calling you, he writes you a letter and sends it via snail mail.
  3. You call him after hours and get an answering service instead of his voice mail.
  4. You ask for a copy of your documents on disk in case you need to make any small changes. He says that would be like giving away proprietary information; that the electronic copy of the printed document was a "trade secret." (You tell him, "That's fine, I'll just scan it in from the printed copy.")
  5. You give him the URL for your web page, then flame him in a Soapbox article knowing he'll never show up. (After all, he doesn't have an email address therefore - he doesn't really exist!)

Copyright 1996 © by Craig Rairdin. All Rights Reserved.